Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
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Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
A cheese factory exploded in France...
da brie is everywhere.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
When one tree asked another how it was doing in November, it replied, "I am pine!"
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
I snuggle to get through these winter days.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
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