What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
All stereos are so typical.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
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