Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
In the eyes of the lawn.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
Dear Winter — I'm breaking up with you. Summer is hotter than you.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
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