The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Cowboys don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm.
He's their CIEIO.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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