The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
"You crack me up."
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
In the eyes of the lawn.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
You mermake me happy.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Go to BabaMail
