A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word “the” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...
"Your los."
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
"Eggs-cuse me."
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
I eat eel while you peel eel
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Go to BabaMail
