Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
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