My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
Arisotto.
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