Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
Wish upon a starfish.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Go to BabaMail
