What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.
"Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" she asks.
"No thanks, I'm stuffed."
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
My love for you is like no otter.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
We are mint to be.
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
Snow on and snow forth.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Go to BabaMail
