What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
My dad thought Cuba would be boring. He's now Havana a really great time.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
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