When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Birch, please.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
You’re my pot of gold.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Do you be-leaf in magic?
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
Go to BabaMail
