What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?
They prefer a casual tea.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
I am cocoa-nuts about you.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Go to BabaMail
