We are mint to be.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
It's ice to meet you.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
It’s snow joke.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
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