Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A UF-hoe.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
I have the final sleigh.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
I find you very a-peeling.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What do you call a whirlwind winter romance?
Love at frost sight!
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
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