The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
You shamrock my world.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
Go to BabaMail
