What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
This is snow laughing matter!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I used Brylcreem this morning to slick back my hair like my father used to do. My wife asked me what I was doing.
I said, "I'm having a dad hair day."
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
"Some bunny loves you."
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
Snow on and snow forth.
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