Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
What do you call a goat that’s lazy?
Billy Idle.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Hold on for deer life.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
Go to BabaMail
