What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
You snow the drill.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
Did you hear about the guy who was beaten by the King?
It’s a sore subject.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Go to BabaMail
