Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Go to BabaMail
