Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter… has the letter i.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
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