Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
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