What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Time fries when you’re having fun!
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Don’t be elfish.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
I wood never leaf you.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Go to BabaMail
