What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Why can't a tattoo artist be faithful? Because he always has designs on his clients.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Go to BabaMail
