I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I whale-y like you.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
We make a great pear
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
We bee-long together.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Up to snow good.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Fresh French fried fly fritters
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
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