Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
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