How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Why is Jupiter so sad and heartbroken? Because his crush wants a plutonic relationship with him.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
"Time to wine down."
My moment in the sun.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
Irish I may, Irish I might.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
I'm fondue you, it's true
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
How excited was the gardener about spring?
So excited he wet his plants.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
Go to BabaMail
