What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
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