What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
I saw this beautiful tower in Italy..
It was a Pisa art!
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Go big or go gnome.
"You might not carrot all, but you're irresistible."
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
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