What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
The pint’s the limit.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
"I mead more wine."
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Shave a single shingle thin.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
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