Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
We've reached the point of snow return.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Took a tour of Pisa, Italy...
Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
I'm pine-ing for you.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
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