What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
The couple who married during autumn lived apple-ly ever after!
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
All of those sleepless knights.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Salty but sweet.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
What a spud muffin.
Go to BabaMail
