My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?