A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Go to BabaMail
