his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
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