Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
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