What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
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