What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.