Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
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