What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
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