A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Go to BabaMail
