"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.