Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.