The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
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