I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
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