A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
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