I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
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