What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
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