When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
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