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Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.