Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?