What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
Go to BabaMail
