What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."