Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
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