I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser