I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
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