Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Go to BabaMail
