Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Go to BabaMail
