My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
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