The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
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