What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Car puns are really tiring
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
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