I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
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