What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
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