As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
‪My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬
‪I hope this will not surface again‬
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.