BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
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