Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.