I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
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