My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
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