When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
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