My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Go to BabaMail
