I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
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