This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
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