Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.