I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.