I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
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