Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
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