What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.