I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
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