Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
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