Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Dialysis is a blood bath.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
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