The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Only a**holes use bidets.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
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