The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
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