Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
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