Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Adulting makes me wine."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"I make pour decisions."
"Alcohol you later."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
"On cloud wine."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
"You can't sip with us."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
"Love the wine you're with."
"You're the wine that I want."
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
"Back that glass up."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
You’re wine in a million.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
"Here for the right riesling."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
"You had me at merlot."
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
"You are so bottlefull to me."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!