Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
"You're the wine that I want."
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"I mead more wine."
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"I need to re-wine my life."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
"Read between the wines."
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
"No wine left behind."
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"Be kind, re-wine."
You’re wine in a million.
"On cloud wine."
"Time to wine down."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
"Alcohol you later."
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"Partners in wine."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
"Back that glass up."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."